Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
the bus pole looks like a man who feels guiltyty about something
why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
Randomize