You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
Can you bring me the toilet please
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
Randomize
