You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
Randomize
