Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
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