im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
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