Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
Such a big mess for such a small penis
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
Randomize
