from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
Randomize
