all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
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