great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
Randomize
