fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
I'm still not walking right. We need some boundaries for "drink-or-dare"...
her dad gauges his nipple piercings.
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
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