Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
Haha its fine we ask know it. He's still cool thought
Focus on the keyboard man. Focusssss
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
Randomize
