TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
I think we should see other people.
Already working on it.
Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
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