Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
Terrible. Enormous nipples with a small ring of boob on the outside. It looked like a tittie eclipse
Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
Randomize
