My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
They have beer where we have blood.
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
Randomize