The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
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