Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
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