Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
Randomize
