I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
Semi hypothetical question. Do you think its physically possible to bruise your clit?
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
Randomize
