At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
NoDDING MY HEAD LIKE uyuEAH MOViUNG MY HiPS LioKe YEAhhhhhhhhhhh
wow.
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
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