apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
Randomize
