I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
Randomize
