I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
Randomize