people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
Randomize
