I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
Randomize
