Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
Randomize
