No offense but you kinda look like a Jack Johnson fan in that pic
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
Randomize
