i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
Randomize
