oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
i black out too much to be "responsible"
Randomize
