My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
Randomize