we got sick of 7 11 doubles so we made up a game where you just drink when anyone rolls a 5
thats barely a game just flip a coin
should we drink on heads or tails?
Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
Randomize
