I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
Randomize
