quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
Floor bacon is actually really good
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
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