a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
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