I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
I'm proud of our boobs and what they could potentially achieve in life.
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
Randomize
