do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
Randomize
