I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
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