Have you finally orgasmed yet?
if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
Tough to say exactly how to play this. I just know people don't like surprises when genitals are involved.
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
Randomize
