Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
so id say it was a successful trip...i only got hit on by one cousin...
Getting sheets for college, what is the thread count that shows the least amount of cumstains?
630.
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
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