i hate this light. i wouldnt even hook up with me in this light
are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
Randomize
