FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
Randomize