My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
I'm glad girls dont get visible erections
But, it would have made life so much easier...
he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
NoShamevember. You game?
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
Randomize
