alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
Randomize
