it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
They should really pass out barf bags in church
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
we decided to do a scavenge hunt for ourself for when we walked back to our apartments. We hid taco bell behind some bushes. I think they are still good.
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
Randomize
