Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
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