You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
kool aid jammers and 151...our childhood has officially been corrupted.
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
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