Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
Randomize
