I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
Randomize
