do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
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