my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
Randomize
