Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
Randomize
