i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
Is it bad that on the course evaluation it said "do you normally try harder than other students in class" and i circled "absolutely false"?
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
Randomize
