also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
Ha i know. My vag can't go too crazy for a boy halfway across the country. It doesn't have that good of range
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
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