how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
Randomize