I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
ya ever know whats down there. always send some fingers in first to scout the situation. fingers are not used for pleasure. they're used for covert missions.
Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
I am available for nakedness
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
Randomize
