Got a toothbrush?
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
Randomize
