I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
Hot freshmen.....hot freshmen chicks everywhere
You say this every welcome week, bro.
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
Randomize
