HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
Randomize
