You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
Randomize
