Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
and eventually we just all took our pants off
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