I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
Randomize
