after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
Randomize
