My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
I think people are normalizing furries
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
Randomize
