he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
Randomize
