'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
I have no idea what i drank..i remember dancing and ass grabbing..u falling. Headbutts. Trying not to puke. And deja vu.
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
Randomize
