I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
That was an excessively violent trivia night
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
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