yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
Randomize
