high people should be assigned attendants
he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
This can only be settled by a dance off.
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
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