Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
New moon trailer came on. Theater booed. I love these people.
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
Randomize