Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
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