Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
I went to an adult Halloween party last night dressed as Mrs. Doubtfire, but I woke up on a stranger's couch surrounded by sleeping children in karate gi's. And I accidentally flushed my granny wig mid-puke, so if they wake up I'm gonna have to convince them that I'm just a weird older man and not a terrible cross dresser.
How did you come to this point in your life?
Good bartenders.
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
Randomize
