didnt we say no more talking to eachother
it will help you get over me i promise
im horny
ok i will unlock the door
I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
Blueberry probiotics greatly increase to the masturbation experience. Try it dude. It’s all the rage
Randomize
